Email: nel_ani@yahoo.se and suzvoy@tesco.net
Rating: R, although barely.
Spoilers: Uuum. No.
Pairing: T/D and S/J Summary: Where there's something about Teal'c,
Daniel has a crick, Jack has ping pong issues, and Sam has a crush.
Author's notes: I don't know what to put here when I can't thank Suz.
Coz, you know, she helped write it.
...which she does with all my fic.
Right. Big big thank you's to Suz who agreed to help me write even
though her brain was tired. *smoooch*
*
Something was up with Teal’c. If there wasn’t, Daniel would officially
eat his metaphorical hat.
At first, it had been little things. Teal’c dropping a zat Jack threw
to him, Sam having to repeat his name continuously before getting
his attention, Daniel being unable to say anything with his back to
Teal’c, as if the Jaffa didn’t hear him.
His first theory had been that it was an inner ear infection, and
he’d subtly hinted to Janet (“I think Teal’c is sick but knowing him,
he’s too stubborn to admit it.”) that she might need to give him an
exam. Janet had equally subtly (“Oh, god yes. I can barely get him
to come for the monthly physical. He makes Colonel O’Neill seem like
pussyca-Colonel! I didn’t see you there!”) agreed to it and given
Teal’c’s ears a thorough checkup.
Nothing wrong. Not even wax plugging anything up. He’d commented
on it to Teal’c. Who’d replied, not unsurprisingly, “My symbiote protects
me.”
So, Daniel wrote it off as a homesickness thing. Sure, Teal’c had
been living on Earth for years, but he still ought to long to go back
home. Where he used to be a slave. Under constant threat to his family.
Being forced to do killing and looting and-
If nothing else, he figured, it could just be some weird Jaffa thing.
There was a lot of that going on with Teal’c.
Then the things weren’t so little anymore.
Daniel walked through the gate from a planet that had turned into
a dead end (no ruins whatsoever. What was the universe coming to?)
only to stop at the bottom of the ramp, standing beside Sam waiting
for Jack and Teal’c.
Waiting.
Waiting.
Waiting some more.
Could someone have ambushed them even though the planet had seemed
un-inhabited? But then there should be arrows and spears or possibly
phaser beams coming through the gate.
As he exchanged worried looks with Sam, Jack came out of the event
horizon, Teal’c leaning heavily on him, his arm draped over Jack’s
shoulder.
Jack didn’t look pleased. He spoke through gritted teeth. “T, don’t
get me wrong, I like that you’re buff and all, makes it easier for
me when I go ‘Join us or I’ll sick my Jaffa on you.’ But how much
do you *weigh*, for Christ’s sake?”
Teal’c didn't respond; he was busy pressing his hand to his forehead.
Daniel could see blood running down his temple.
Sam rushed to their sides as Daniel yelled for a medic. He took Teal’c’s
other arm and draped it over his shoulders. Jack let out a loud, relieved
breath.
“What happened?” Sam asked with concern while glancing over her shoulder,
walking ahead of them to the infirmary.
Teal’c mumbled something.
Daniel frowned. “I’m sorry, Teal’c, I didn’t hear what you said.”
“He said,” Jack said loudly, making Teal’c wince, “that he walked
into the gate.”
Daniel continued to frown. “Um, so did we, and we’re not-“
“No, Daniel. He walked. Into. The gate.”
“Oh.”
They turned around another corner.
“OH!”
*
He tried talking to Teal’c about it, but Teal’c was so tight-lipped
he made his normal stoic self seem gregarious. And as Daniel figured
that he and Teal’c didn’t really have that many chatty moments as
it was, he backed off.
But that didn’t stop Teal’c from acting weird. He didn’t walk into
the gate again – mostly, Daniel suspected, because Jack started humming
Three Blind Mice every time they dialled home – but he was aloof and
looked sad a lot.
Sam and Jack was acting kind of weird as well. He asked them if they
knew what was up with Teal’c; after that he had to slap Sam on the
back as she’d choked on the soda she’d been drinking. Jack just made
some excuse that he had to go and play ping pong with the General
and didn’t answer Daniel’s question.
“I’m sure there’s…nothing up with Teal’c, Daniel,” Sam said, voice
scratchy from coughing.
“Sam. We’re talking about Teal’c here. Teal’c walking into the Stargate
is about as likely as you not being able to solve a basic equation.”
She frowned. “Well, actually, it’s more likely since he did and I-“
“You know what I mean,” he quickly broke in.
Sam had a crush on statistics that none of them understood and could
go on about it for a long (long long. Long.) time if given the chance.
So, Daniel bided his time. Backed off a bit. Looked for hints as
to what might be on Teal’c’s mind.
It couldn’t be that hard to figure out. Could it?
*
It was just *impossible* to figure out what was up with Teal’c. The
more Daniel was around him, the more he seemed to close up; the more
Daniel pushed, the more he retreated.
He didn’t realize how much he enjoyed Teal’c’s company until he was
deprived of it.
He was also beginning to suspect that the others knew something about
it, but every time he brought it up, Jack muttered something about
ping pong before leaving, and Sam following close behind, claiming
that she’d help Jack out. With his ping pong.
Daniel was starting to become a little suspicious of the story.
Especially when they stuck to it offworld.
He was staring into the fire when the hairs at the back of his neck
rose like someone was watching him. He warily moved his hand to his
sidearm. “Who’s there?”
“It is me, Daniel.”
“God, you scared me, Teal’c. What’s up with the sneaking?”
“I apologize.”
“Come keep me company.” What the heck. What could a little more pushing
do?
*
It could push Teal’c into bed early. And Daniel into the first watch.
Swell.
It felt like he was missing something obvious. Like the answer to
his questions was right in front of his eyes.
He’d pleaded with Teal’c; he’d told him how worried Daniel was, that
if it really was nothing, he should just tell Daniel. So he could
stop worrying, if nothing else.
Teal’c hadn’t said anything. He hadn’t even looked him in the eyes,
he’d looked down towards-
Oh.
*Oh*.
OH!
Oh *shit*!
*
So. Daniel’s fly really hadn’t been open all those times he’d thought
it was.
*
And it suddenly made sense why Teal’c never heard what Daniel was
saying as soon as Daniel turned his back.
*
"Hey, Carter?"
"Sir?"
"Notice anything...odd...about T lately?"
"Like what?"
"Oh, I don't know...maybe the fact that he keeps *STARING* at
Daniel's *ASS*?!"
"He *what*?"
"Please tell me that you've noticed. You *cannot* tell me that
you haven't noticed! You, Madame Observer-"
"Madame who?"
"-she of the teeniest, tiniest details, cannot have failed to
notice that Teal'c has a Jaffa-sized crush on a certain caffeine-addicted
archaeologist."
"Oh, that."
"Yeah. *That*. What do you think, Carter? Does 'don't ask, don't
tell' count here?"
"Well, it's not like Teal'c's a *human* male..."
"True, but the same could be said of Daniel."
"I am so telling him you said that. Later. After he and Teal'c
get together."
"So you think it's gonna happen? I guess Daniel is a big hussy.
Teal'c's just as bad, really. What is it about this job that makes
us all...?"
"Horny?"
"I was going to say eager, but that'll do."
"I don't know...maybe it's the close brushes with death."
"Or, you know, the *actual* dying."
"Or that. Hey, Colonel?"
"Yeah, Carter?"
"Wanna play ping pong?"
*
So, he did the only thing he could to.
He backed off.
Way off.
Behind Teal’c’s back.
Because…he needed to put himself into Teal’c’s position. Feel what
he was feeling. Get into his head.
Okay, so maybe he hadn’t quite gotten over his crush on The Pretender.
But anyway, even if he was no Jarod, he was doing this for Teal’c.
If he was going to understand Teal’c’s predicament, he needed to do
some recon.
For the landscape was vast. And broad. And vast.
Luscious. Firm. Pleasing to the eye.
Daniel was starting to think that maybe he was a child of nature
after all.
He let out a startled “oof” as he walked into Sam.
“Ow!” She glared at him and bent to rub her heel which he’d successfully
managed to trample.
“Sorry,” he mumbled and cleared his throat, looking at everything
except Teal’c.
Thank God they hadn’t been dialling home.
*
"I was right, I was right, I was right!"
"And if you keep going right you'll end up going in a circle."
*sigh* "Carter, did you have to ruin the moment?"
"Yes, because it's not 'your' moment. As I recall, I told you
this was going to happen."
"And as I recall I haven't finished your latest assessment."
"Did I mention that I've always found you to be a great source
of knowledge and wisdom, Colonel? And that you're always right? About
everything?"
"Ever?"
"Sir, I don't care what you say, *nothing* will convince me
that the last episode of The X-Files was good television."
"Come on, not even Mulder getting all beat up? I know you love
some Fox whumping...and wow, does that sound bad."
"Can we leave the Fox whumping out of this, please?"
"Yes. Good. Daniel and Teal'c. How do you think they'll monogram
their towels?"
"With a sewing needle, I imagine."
"No, that's not what I...will you stop doing that?"
"Stop doing what?"
"Pointing out the obvious. It's really annoying."
"Just making sure I cover all the angles, sir."
"Speaking of angles...let's go play pool tonight."
"You sure your knees are up to it?"
"Assssseeeessssment..."
"What am I saying? Of course they are. Your knees could defeat
the Goa'uld all by themselves."
"Okay, now you're laying it on a bit thick."
"The knees that saved the galaxy!"
"Carter..."
"One giant step for mankind, one giant knee in the crotch for
the Goa'uld."
"I am never letting you have sugar again."
*
He was going to try the confrontation thing again. It had to work
better now that he’d figured it out.
Scoped out the terrain.
Set his sights for a pretty spot to have a house.
Come up with ridiculous metaphors.
Mentally berating himself for stalling, he knocked on Teal’c’s door.
And promptly wondered if Teal’c would see it was him that had knocked
if he started running now.
Before he had a chance to test his theory, the door opened and Teal’c
stood in front of him. In a tight t-shirt. Granted, most t-shirts
tended to be tight on Teal’c, but this one seemed to be taking it
to ridiculous extremes.
“DanielJackson?”
Daniel hastily diverted his eyes to Teal’c’s face. “Um. Hi.”
Teal’c smiled a little. “Hi.”
Daniel stared at him dumbly and wondered if this was the stuff you
should have gotten done on your first date. The whole “can’t-think-of-anything-to-say-oh-my-god-I’m-such-a-nerd”
thing.
“Do you wish to enter?”
“Yes!” Daniel expelled a loud breath. “Entering is good.” He stared
at Teal’c in horror. “Entering your room! Only that. Not any other
kind of…entering.”
Oh god yes. Definitely first date stuff.
Thankfully, Teal’c mostly looked concerned. Maybe first dates were
different on Chulak.
Probably involved more weaponry.
He’d expected the room to be covered with lit candles, but there
was only the on Teal’c’s bedside table. Next to Teal’c’s-
ChangingsubjectlookingatTeal’cagain. “So. Uh. How are you?”
“I am fine. Are you?”
“Never better. Got a bit of a crick in my neck from translating the
text from PX8-115, but other than that…”
“Were the texts of any interest?”
Daniel smiled in delight. “Not for the SGC, maybe, but you won’t
believe what I managed to translate.”
Twenty minutes later he realized he was sitting next to Teal’c on
the floor (apparently that worked without the candles) and that he’d
been talking non-stop with the occasional nod from Teal’c.
“Yeeeah, you kinda got me started on tangent there.”
Teal’c smiled. “I did not notice.”
Daniel laughed a bit in embarrassment and rubbed his neck.
“I could assist you with that.”
Daniel looked up questioningly. “With what?”
“Your neck. I could relieve you of your ache.”
Daniel had to bite his lip hard not to blurt out, “God yes, relieve
me of my ache.” because, seriously, this was already probably the
worst first date he’d ever had. Only, it kind of wasn’t that bad.
Especially not when Teal’c put his big hands on Daniel’s shoulders
and sent him straight to heaven.
“Teeeeal’c,” he moaned as the tension in his neck vaporized into
blissful warmth, “why are you still working in the SGC? You could
make serious money as a masseur.”
Teal’c’s breath was hot against his ear. “I find that Stargate Command
has its advantages.”
Wow, was it getting hotter in there? And were his clothes shrinking?
Seeing as Teal’c’s t-shirt seemed to have taken the first step in
that direction, it seemed only logical that Daniel’s pants would follow
its example.
His head was being tipped backwards and helloooo Teal’c’s chest.
Yup, it was definitely as firm as it looked, the back of his head
decided. “Advantages?”
“Advantages,” Teal’c nodded before kissing Daniel.
Oh wow. Yes. This was nice. Nice in a “shit, when did his hands get
there?” kind of way.
“Teal’c,” Daniel moaned, “I’ve changed my mind.”
Suddenly there was a distinct lack of mouth and hands. “I am sorry,
DanielJackson…”
“No no! Didn’t change my mind about that!” He fumbled for Teal’c’s
hands and brought them back to his chest.
Teal’c started rubbing up and down, up and down, down, down, down…
He interrupted Daniel’s blissed out attention to the wonderful hand
moving downwards. “Then of what did you speak?”
“You should definitely not leave the SGC and become a masseur.” Oh
god yes. That was a fucking brilliant place for Teal’c’s hand to be.
“No?” Now he chose to sound all suave. Bastard.
“No,” Daniel panted. “I think all your masseuring needs can be filled
here.”
“Hmm,” Teal’c said and moved his hand just *so*, making Daniel arch
his back with a half-strangled sound.
His breath had left panting way behind and was quickly closing in
on hyperventilating.
Teal’c nibbled at his neck. “Perhaps you are correct.”
“Yesssss,” Daniel hissed as Teal’c unbuttoned his pants. “I am.”